And through silence, you enter into the realm of your imagination, expanding your creativity beyond, well, beyond the width and breathe of your familiar, … Silence speaks it all.” —Disha Patani. Change your life. Is Marrying Your First and Only Lover a Bad Idea? The great value of silence in romantic relationships is in preventing hurting the other person. In C. Maurer, T. Milligan, and K. Pacovská (eds. Returning to the negative nature of silence in love, we may note its affinity with contempt. “Silence is a source of great strength.” —Lao Tzu. The Conductor of the Dayton Philharmonic Orchestra talks about the importance of silence – in music, as well as in our lives. Many people are afraid of the power of silence. There is considerable evidence indicating the importance of shared activities and experiences in romantic love. In about 3 to 5% of the cases. When you let go of the need to fill every moment with words, you become more perceptive of the person you are sharing space with. You become more perceptive of the setting you are in. Some use silence as the language of real love. ( Log Out / In this sense, when it comes to romantic relationships, silence is not golden (Girme, et al. Contempt does not allow for a respectful dialogue. The dialogue model, endorsed today by Angelika Krebs (2014, 2015) and others, considers the shared connection between the partners as the bedrock of love and views shared emotional activities and experiences as the foundational features of the connection. My Mom lived for six years on the Navajo Reservation in AZ and worked for Indian Health Services in a Native hospital. She described her first experience as extremely difficult. 1. You learn to discern your distractions and to respond to your distractions in nondestructive ways. Throughout my career though, I’ve seen that the very best lawyers and the very best coaches have in common the ability to sit back, observe carefully, and listen intently. London: Palgrave Macmillan, 7-24. Communication Studies, 64, 33-48. Worse, it’s sometimes knocked out of those to whom it comes naturally. Frankfurt, H., (1999). The color of the wall becomes more pronounced. Indeed, the quantity and context of the silence has a strong connection to its nature in the relationship. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. It has the power to get people to think and to act. To alleviate those symptoms, we have to turn inward and face our fear of silence. The Power of Silence. When our words are allowed to rest, our other senses come alive, filling in the gap with understanding that is as valuable as anything we could say. But soon things become different and certain changes take place in the relationship which if not noticed then can lead to severe troubles in the future. Silence is not golden. (2015). People never expect silence. . You can only omit radio silence if this is not your first break and there has already been a contact break. Her coworkers used to comment that they find other groups (such as Caucasian and African Americans) talk way too much and way too often, relative to Navajos. Silence, then, seems to run counter to romantic love (at least in the dialogue model). When silence is not limited to specific circumstances but characterizes the whole relationship, it is usually harmful. Each of us is highly educated in knowing how to make sense of others’ words. Silence is sometimes golden in intimate relations. Sometimes, there is a certain value in romantic silence and ignorance (Ben-Ze’ev & Teitelbaum, 2019). It can be used to indicate emotional withdrawal, disapproval or even punishment. In our language the word silence is often used with negative connotations; a conspiracy of silence, being given the silent treatment, lifting the veil of silence. Such silence can signal very low-quality relations. ( Log Out / Silence is a power and silence empowers. It’s not just the noise outside us which causes us problems, though, but also the noise inside us. As Krebs tells us, we do not thrive in isolation: We are social creatures. Change your thoughts. The couple that prays together: Race and ethnicity, religion, and relationship quality among working‐age adults. . Emotions are typically genuine expressions of our overall attitudes. If you aren’t sure, then don’t be a fool to believe your partner and try to find out whether he is cheating on you. Moreover, it is significant that those who have been most helped by the book have paid least attention to its Silence? When you are in love everything seems perfect. Imagine experiencing self-love at the blink of an eye, and being able to tap into unconditional love and acceptance of others and the opportunity to experience the depths of a conscious mindset. So why not allow the shared moments of silence bring you and your loved together in a relationship? Unfortunately, no one taught us how to interpret others’ silence. which w… Between I and Thou–On the dialogical nature of love. Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., & Faingataa, S. (2014). I leave you with a poignant passage from Wayne Dyer , a believer in the importance of cultivating silence: “It’s really the space between the notes that makes the music you enjoy so much.” What about when people have nothing left to say to each other? The Wedding Prayers So here are four lessons that taught me the power of silence. There is nothing so paradoxical when it comes to introducing radio silence after the break. Each of us is highly educated in knowing how to make sense of others’ words. Change ). Two philosophical models of romantic love. Yesss silent love exists.. you just need to understand the deep emotions in this thing called ‘Silent Love’. 2010). “I decided it is better to scream. Thank you. Eine dialogische Philosophie der Liebe. (2010). There is a reason we are social animals who use language. I can reflect on my day and relish the quiet. The smell of your loved one’s perfume is noticed. Couples’ dialogue and reciprocity are the main pillars of thriving romantic relationships. You are most powerful when you are most silent. Oxford University Press. As a mother of three kids, it is only late at night when the house is silent, that I can write and hear myself think. One study found that couples' in‐home family devotional activities and shared religious beliefs are positively linked with relationship quality. What is it… Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. The Power of Silence is a blog offering creative articles about romance, love and relationships,psychology, health, anxiety and narcissism. Like any power it can be used to hurt or to heal and perhaps this is why people respond so variably to it. Unfathomable strength revealed itself, which helped me let go of my painful past, forgive those who had hurt me, release pent-up emotions, and unfold into compassion and my true nature of unconditional love. In this view, genuine love has less to do with the lover’s own needs than with a strong concern for the other, accompanied by actual deeds. When we become comfortable just sitting with another without speaking or being spoken to, awkwardness falls away and deep appreciation fills our senses. The care model, which is more popular, emphasizes the beloved’s needs (Frankfurt 1999; Helm 2010). But she she had such an aesthetic sense, was so artistic, I do miss her. For example, some native american cultures find westerners When our expectations for words is replaced with an acceptance that silence can bring us closer together, you will see, hear, and experience moments of connection that you may not have been able to achieve when too preoccupied with filling silence with words. “Love is pure silence.”. This silence creates an energetic field for you that awakens spiritual experiences, true connections with your inner self, and space to elevate your being to a new level of mental awareness. Its such a beautiful love and to feel it silently is truly an amazing feeling. Verbal communication is the infrastructure upon which romantic interactions are built. This chattering fills our minds from the moment we wake up in the morning till the moment we go to sleep at night an endless stream of daydreams, memories, deliberations, worries, plans etc. Awkwardness quickly flows into appreciation when we trust ourselves in knowing that what we are sharing together in physical presence is more important than anything we could say…. Silence has an energy to it like no other source. The moment is allowed to speak to you when silence exists. Real silence and real peace comes from the Maker. For example, When you share a view of the sunset with someone, the awe of the beauty before you transcends anything you could say. Tact often involves silence and discretion. Tact is a virtue, expressing profound sensitivity; hence, it is commonly praised, even if it is rarely practiced. Määttä, K., & S. Uusiautti. Love, friendship, and the self. When we are really present with people, so much is said with no words at all. Both models express genuine aspects of romantic love. ), The Philosophy of (Im)politeness. When we are really present with people, so much is said with no words at all. For some people silence means loneliness, isolation or awkwardness. May the world be forever a better place because the two of you fell in love. The arc of love: How our romantic lives change over time. Many times, silence is powerful, even when it’s being used passive-aggressively. However, these expressions can become extreme to the extent that they merely relate to our fleeting feelings and not to our stable, profound attitudes — the latter are authentically expressed in our actual behavior (Ben-Ze’ev, 2019). Anxiety, depression, obsession - these are symptoms of a deeper root source. The value of politeness in romantic love. Caring, which is central in romantic love, goes beyond a positive attitude toward the wish to be with the beloved — it seeks to enhance the beloved’s well-being. the need to verbalize like most of us do. What Really Goes on in the Mind of a Cheater? Nevertheless, occasional silence, when our emotional reactions are likely to be too extreme, can be very good for a relationship. When we turn our focus inward, our ego is temporarily quieted and we begin to see the world as it should be – a world of beauty – a world of possibility. ( Log Out / The Power of Silence viii. The Secret Power Of Not Talking. This is a beautiful verse of God’s devotion, love, and protection. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. overly verbal, speaking much to say very little and don't feel Silence is often considered a virtue. However, silencing our emotions as a permanent policy is destructive, since emotions play a leading part in surviving and flourishing. And then there is a comfortable kind of silence, showing a level of mutual ease. Silence can reduce or prevent hostile escalation between lovers. Personal Relationships, 21, 125-149. I found that silence can lead to the blooming and flourishing of a beautiful, intimate, passionate relationship that is largely imaginary. Change ), You are commenting using your Twitter account. A cheating partner is something to be worried about. & Teitelbaum, M. (2019). So you can say that that is a very small number. However, as Samuel Butler said: “Silence is not always tact, but it is tact that is golden, not silence.” If tact simply meant remaining silent, it would be easy to acquire this virtue. Silence, then, seems to run counter to romantic love (at least in the dialogue model). There are, of course, circumstances in romantic relationships in which silence is the tactful choice. “Date nights” take two: The maintenance function of shared relationship activities. What makes silence so awkward is our expectations that every second has to be filled with words. Also, within the silence lies an offering to hear ourselves, attune to our own inner voice. 5 thoughts on “ Use the Power of Silence to Boost Your Relationships ” margaret cotto March 29, 2012 at 6:41 pm. I have read some where, that …. ( Log Out / In Silence, I felt my core identity, my essential nature, as a unity-in-love with all creation. Since silence is not widely valued, it’s not widely developed. Silence does.” —Jeff Hood. Through trials and through jubilation, we can trust God as our fortress. Welcome to The Sound of Silence where I serve you with the fruits of my silence. Explore 734 Silence Quotes by authors including Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Harvey Fierstein at BrainyQuote. Silence nourishes you because in the stillness you become reflective, that is, once you learn how to become reflective. 2014; Määttä & Uusiautti 2013). Deep within, it constitutes an encounter both with God and with the self. Silence creates a space to face ourselves; have faith in our instincts; and trust – all of which open the door for gratitude, connection and love. Caring is a necessary, but not sufficient condition for maintaining enduring, profound romantic love. For example, supplying your current lover with details about your ex-lovers could be tactless. May you face every challenge hand-in-hand and side-by-side knowing that with God’s grace, you’ll conquer all obstacles together. Ben-Ze’ev, A. Silence is a language we especially need to understand because silence is so often a part of relationships… (May b a part of Every Relationship)…. Ronda Ansted a Maryland based career consultant and creator of My Career Design Studio has participated in two separate 10-day silent retreats, as well as a handful of other shorter practices in the Vipassana tradition. Simply sharing that moment together, without the need for words, inspires the holding of hands and a shared, deep appreciation of the moment. Great article. Silence can bring you closer to someone. Do you know the power of silence or why silence is powerful? Autonomy, necessity, and love. Should we also encourage silence in romantic relationships? Despite the above aspects indicating the harmful nature of silence in loving relationships, there are circumstances where silence is indeed golden — mainly in preventing further deterioration. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. Let's take an example of any technology company for say, ABC tech co. LTD. Silence can be the space between a feeling and a response. Moreover, openness and self-disclosure, which are the opposite of silence, are vital for enduring romantic relations. As the popular saying goes, “Couples who pray together stay together” (Ellison, et al. Taking Chances on Others: The Bumpy Road of Acquaintanceship, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, What to Do About Vaccine Hesitancy During COVID-19, New Findings Reveal Benefits of Ketamine for Depression, Ketamine Combats Depression via Unique Molecular Mechanisms, The Strongest Predictors of Sexual Desire, Find a therapist to strengthen relationships. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 963-975. As George Bernard Shaw claimed, “Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.” Interestingly, John Gottman (1995) identified contempt as the most destructive negative behavior in relationships and the number-one predictor of divorce. Silence comes alive! And you become more aware of your very presence. Merge with the insight-provoking power of silence, which can help you become one with life’s intelligence. Refusal to verbally communicate with someone who desires communication with you can be hurtful and prolong the conflict. Sunday, May 26, 2019. His books include The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time. It can be more musical and romantic than any song that touches the souls. Tact involves the profound wish to avoid hurting the other’s well-being, mainly by avoiding giving offense and behaving in a way that enables the other to maintain her dignity. I just don't miss the betrayals and cruelty the silences hid. "In his latest book, The Power of Silence, Cardinal Sarah demonstrates a truly profound and insightful understanding of the current state of the human condition. The value of silence in romantic relations is associated with the value of tact and discretion. Silence is powerful unlike any other source. Take a silent pause and choose your response calmly and wisely. The interaction between lovers is most significant in nurturing enduring, profound love. (2013). Here are 6 more benefits of silence. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Cambridge University Press, 129–141. Thus, research has found that shared activities, which are satisfying, stress‐free, and increase closeness, predicted greater relationship quality in the short and long term. Indeed, in certain face-to-face interactions, as well as in online loving relationships, the silent person is heard louder, more clearly, and less offensively. Being physically present with your loved one says more than you could ever put into words. Research is fairly cl… Ben-Ze’ev, A. (2014). Silence lets you cool down and gives the person a moment to reconsider and say something kinder. In Jesus’ name, Amen. If you’ve ever felt silent love, you’re life will change around. lifetime to be able thus to share in the experiences of those who are striving, who are aspiring to live the spiritual life. By choosing silence, you will naturally listen more and others have the opportunity to share more—enhancing your relationships. Silence can be an expression of contemplation. The connection amplifies the flourishing of the lovers, as well as the flourishing of their relationship. May love and laughter fill your hearts and your home for all at the days of your lives. ), Love and its objects. It is a part of ourselves that does not surface while we’re busy watching TV, or while being thoughtlessly engaged in the chatter of our minds. That’s why giving your partner the cold shoulder or sitting back in a boring meeting and being despondent gets your point of irritation across. Dialogue, which is the opposite of silence, is most valuable for nurturing relations and making them thrive. “Sometimes you don't have to say anything. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? With a clarity and directness that is refreshing, His Eminence points out how it is nearly impossible to encounter God in the "hell of noise" which characterizes our modern experience. 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But also the noise outside us which causes us problems, though, but my eyes still ”. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Martin Luther King, Jr., and K. Pacovská ( eds silence, is... A unity-in-love with all creation ll conquer all obstacles together moreover, it is commonly praised, even when comes. Science when can I bypass radio silence if this is not limited to specific circumstances but the... Can help you become one with life ’ s not just the noise outside us which causes us problems though! Disapproval or even punishment, is most valuable for nurturing relations and power of silence in love them thrive are social.... Explore 734 silence Quotes by authors including Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Martin King! Mutual ease relationships, silence is a kind of limited mental disengagement within an ongoing relationship, it is harmful! For increased emotional regulation with a more authentic part of ourselves ” take two the..., attune to our own inner voice God ’ s not just the noise inside.!